Peace.

Ok, so I'm not only done with Blogspot because of the lack of readership and difficulty of use with the interface in comparison to wordpress. Also I just wrote a nice little post about it and Blogspot lost it. So I'm done. Readers, please continue to read. You can get email updates from Wordpress.

jaytblack.wordpress.com

The cruise.

never wanted to go on a cruise a day in my life...that is until February. An enticing advertisement popped up one day when I was surfing my daily sites. "Oasis of the Seas" was about all it said and as I recall had a few pictures. Captivated, I clicked. I proceeded to watch a 10 minute video about this awesome new ship that cost like 8 gajillion dollars and has all these mega cool things on it. It had two rock-climbing walls, two of those sweet surfing wave creating machines ("flow-riders"), a mini-golf course, a zipline, a spa, many amazing restaurants, a boardwalk with carousel, a full outdoor "aquatheatre" and so many other awesome things. I wanted to be on it right then. The advertising paid off I guess, I was hooked. I never wanted to go on a cruise a day in my life...until that day. Royal Caribbean's money seems to be well spent; that thing is worth the money just because of how cool it is:

The ship's maiden voyage was about 3 months before I had discovered it back in November 2009. I was so enthralled that I immediately added it to a mental bucket list of mine. I want to go on a cruise. Never did I expect to have the opportunity to go on one this year.

My good friend Liz and I were chatting over text one day and talking about vacations. I explained ours in August. Definitely Disney World is going to be awesome, but she explained hers. Leaving from Baltimore and going to Bermuda on a Royal Caribbean cruise! I was instantaneously jealous and yes I let her know. She returned with "Seth (her boyfriend) is still looking for a roommate." I didn't know what to say, it's one of those things where I wasn't sure if she was just being nice or if I was actually being welcomed. I mean really, who invites themselves on someone else's vacation, right? We talked about it for the next hour or so and before I knew it her mom and older sister were writing on my facebook wall trying to get me to say that I was coming. Without being sure or close to sure that I would be able to get the time off of work, I put off making a final decision. I got some confirmation from work and I requested the days off.

I'm going on a cruise! I'm so excited! I have a Royal Caribbean app on my iPod and I look at it every day. Is it healthy to be this excited about something 6 months away? Maybe not....but I don't care. The ship we're going to be on is a good bit smaller than Oasis and has fewer of those fun features but with the great company I know I'll have, I can not wait for this trip. The ship is called Enchantment of the Seas and it still has a rock-climbing wall:

It's going to be such a great trip. It helps me accomplish my #2 and #7 on my 25 before 24 list as well. :)

Current Music:

I'm All Over It
Jamie Cullum
The Pursuit

I can't get my head straight.

It’s odd to me. So many times in the last few years something’s come up that is totally unrelated to my daily life and changes my daily life. I had an odd period of this a few years ago when I was in thought of Presidential candidates. I didn’t know what to believe. God, do I side with the conservatives and reduce spending to aide other countries or side with liberals and give money to help them? Fiscally, I don’t necessarily believe that it’s America’s responsibility to save every other country in the world. Biblically, I feel like it’s my duty to help those people. What do I do? The same happened today when I got online and read about Jennifer Knapp’s departure from good to the supposed “bad side.”

For anyone who hasn’t heard or doesn’t know what I’m talking about: link.

So as I sat reading that I had to wonder: what’s next? A Christian recording artist is now gay, or has realized she’s gay…or chose she’s gay and has now told the world. Where do I go from here? She’s no longer on a Christian label with her new release to come out. Still though, how do Christian radio stations respond to her now? To further emphasize the point of my second sentence in the post; I never liked her, listened to her or owned any of her albums. Furthermore I avoid CCM radio stations like….well it sounds to harsh to say the plague but as a general rule, I’d probably rather not listen to anything than listen to K-Love. Where do they go from here? Will all her old music, pre-gay days be pulled from the airwaves?

Where do I find myself in this argument? This is one of the most classic debates of the supposed “Christian life” in that it appears as though it’s a black-and-white issue. The Bible states in numerous places (some Old Testament, some New) that homosexuality is a sin. (Romans 1:26-31 For this reason God gave them over to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged the natural sexual relations for unnatural ones, and likewise the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed in their passions for one another. Men committed shameless acts with men and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what should not be done. They are filled with every kind of unrighteousness, wickedness, covetousness, malice. They are rife with envy, murder, strife, deceit, hostility. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, contrivers of all sorts of evil, disobedient to parents, senseless, covenant-breakers, heartless, ruthless. and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.) Just the same though, there is the classic verse in the Old Testament which claims that those who tattoo themselves are also sinning. Sorry, that’s paraphrased because I can’t recall the scripture reference. In the same scripture it also says not to wear clothing woven of different threads and not to eat meat with the blood still in it. Two things that everyone does.

I’ll even give that one some lenience because I’m pretty sure it’s old testament and even still not as blatant as “homosexual offenders” “will not inherit the kingdom of God.” I don’t know how to wrap my mind around this. How do I feel about homosexuals? How do I treat them? How should I treat them? Is it really my place to try to change them when they believe they were born that way and never had the opportunity to be straight? Do I believe that people are given a choice? Do I believe that people are born predestined to homosexuality?

My mind is full of questions and I’m nearly at a loss. I don’t know how to get my head around this one. It doesn’t effect me, but it scares me that I don’t know what to believe. Where does Jennifer fall in this? How do I deal with it? Do I side with people I don’t agree with on everything and cut ties with homosexuals and stay ‘pure and holy?’ Or do I risk the opposite side of the issue and accept them for who they are, not what they believe? It’s a bold step to side there and claim that homosexuality is acceptable. I don’t know if I could be honest with myself and ever say that so is there no middle ground?

In the last year I’ve really come to see myself and my identity in Christ as a very different person than I did a few years ago. I know that I’ll never fit the same ideals of conservatism and goody-goodness that I feel as though much of the Church does. I know I’m called to get my hands a bit dirty. I’m called to be different and I like that because honestly, I don’t like the Church. Not a church, not a building, not going to church, but the people that comprise the body of Christ. Jesus paid far too great a price for us to live in stagnance shrugging off our own sins and condemning others.

He never said though that our faith would make our lives easy on us and that’s not why I accepted Him. I find the exact opposite to be true actually, my Faith complicates my life in the burdens I carry for the lost, unsaved and confused.

MuteMath you’re the only thing that makes sense to me right now:

Feeling overload
Carrying bottled skies
Around
I’ve been drowning all along
Wearing out in a faltered sea
And I give up

Common sense failed again
Meddling in a foreign scene
Foreign dream
Time won’t spare another son
Daring me with another choice
Another choice

Anymore,
I don’t know who to fight anymore
I don’t know what is right anymore
Anymore.

Anymore,
I don’t know how to feel anymore
I don’t know what is real anymore
Anymore.

Current music:

Clipping
MuteMath
Armistice

25 before 24.

Here it is, the list of twenty-five things I want to do before I turn twenty-four. I made most of them measurable so that I would be able to easily confirm each completion.

1. Read the Bible before Facebook every day, no exceptions.

• This one is simple enough I think. If I don't read the Bible, I can't check Facebook.

2. Visit another country.

• I have a few irons in the fire on this one, but for the first time since the two hours of Canada in 2004, I want to leave US soil for a while.

3. Re-learn French and get it fluent.

• I learned some in middle/high school and loved it. Spanish would probably be more practical but I think I want French. I always liked it better.

4. Pay for a stranger's meal/gasoline.

• Find a way to pay for someone in need.

5. Get to 180 pounds. (and maybe get a tan)

• This is over 20 pounds from my current weight, so lose it and keep it off.

6. Find a good local group of friends.

• I have few to name here in PA. I want to find a good close circle of friends I can see more than twice a year.

7. Go on a multi-day, multi-night trip without any members of my family.

• This will likely fall in line with #2, but hopefully I have a few of these.

8. Find a new close friend I could tell a secret to.

• Maybe in a new circle of friends?

9. Tell that person a great secret.

• I think I have one in mind...

10. Read six books.

• I'm working on the first one now, front-to-back; cover-to-cover. I want to develop a love for reading.

11. Learn to drive a stick.

• My dad's Civic is the objective. I've always wanted to do it, what time is better than now?

12. Buy and learn to play two new instruments.

• This is one of the most exciting for me. I just like to explore and learn about music.

13. Change my own oil and filter.

• Not going to lie, I'm most apprehensive about this one probably. It's going to be a bit difficult I know, but I need to know how to more than drive that beast I call 'my car.'

14. Take a new favorite picture.

• I just plain don't shoot enough. I want to shoot so much that I have a ton of new favorites.

15. Write at least six new songs, record at least one. If any of these songs is written for someone, I must play it for them.

• I've had some block as of late but have been learning a lot of new things about music. I'm going to force myself to just write, no matter how trite or poor or average I may think of the song, I want to make a habit of writing.

16. Record a song with multiple instruments and mix it with Garageband.

• Because I have this awesome new iMac I'm not fully utilizing.

17. Meet some people to jam with.

• This goes right hand in hand with writing. I've always wanted to record and play with some close friends since I started playing 6 years ago.

18. Go for a 10 mile run.

• The longest to date is 5.18 mi. It's going to be tough, but it must be done! For great justice!

19. Invest $500+ in stocks. Ride the market.

• I've been wanting to get my feet wet with the market for some time. There is no better time for me than now.

20. Help Kellie with her homework six times.

• I simply don't spend enough time serving my sister. This is one way I can start to do so more.

21. Give a Bose product as a gift to a non-relative.

• Who wants to be the lucky recipient?

22. Learn to slow dance.

• I might get married someday and this might be important. It'd be cool to know how before the occasion arrives.

23. Volunteer an entire day in service to someone else.

• Whether it be physical or mental labor, devote an entire day to achieve someone elses end.

24. Go to a music festival or at least 4 concerts.

• I'm hoping Bonnaroo, but if not I want to see a few of my favorite bands when they come around.

25. Give a Bible to a homeless person.

• It's something I've wanted to do for years. I'd like to sit down to a meal with him and hear his/her story too.

So there you have it. :) I'm confident I can do all these, it'll be stretching but I'm not one for stagnancy. I'm growing where I am. I want a life full of rich experiences, just because I'm on my way doesn't mean I can't enjoy the ride.

Current Music:

Saving Grace
Tom Petty
Highway Companion

Writings.

Sorry about no new posts in a while, readers. I have had a lot on my mind lately, lots of things swimming through my mind. I've once tried to put said thoughts into words but have been unsuccessful. I'm still alive and breathing. Right now I'm working on my 23 before 24 list (which may still possibly be a 25 before 24 list if I can think of enough things I want to do) which I'm planning on publishing tomorrow. I can't believe it's been 23 years. Sometimes it's hard to believe that my life is probably 1/4 of the way over. It seems I haven't made too much of a mess of myself to this point. :)

Current Music:


Black
Pearl Jam
Ten

Captured in the breeze.

I'm blessed and I know it. Days as beautiful as this remind me how good I really have it. No matter how I fret over what the rest of my days, this type allows me to slow down and enjoy the journey.

Not the destination; the journey.


Current Music:

Red-Eye
the Album Leaf
Into the Blue Again

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010. 12:55 AM

Well here I lay, unable to sleep on a night before an open-to-close shift with another following. I wonder why I am not sleeping but on the other hand I wonder how I ever could be. I lay here, my mind clouded with thoughts of life and goals. Suddenly playing Solitaire and listening to the Album Leaf isn’t a good enough fall-asleep activity. Most of the time I feel as though I need to relax, like I’m rushing into grownupedness. Sometimes not… Sometimes I think I need to get a more careerish job. Sometimes I feel like at the ripe age of 22 (almost 23) I should move out of my parents home. Sometimes I think I need a girl to help me feel that way.

It was only a few weeks or minutes ago that I realized that I’m chasing a feeling. I’m chasing a feeling of a fictional word I like to call grownupedness. It was just then that I realized I don’t even know what that means. What am I really chasing? Maturity cloaked in a new robe I call grown-up? How do I know what maturity is? Why am I chasing it? Maturity isn’t gained in seeking. And I’m so young, why do I need to hurry so to be an adult and closer to the end of my life?

“What do you want, child” says the Father. “To be happy forever with you Daddy!” “You will” the Man says “but first you must know how to get there.” The boy doesn’t understand; “but Papa, You’re already here, I don’t have to go anywhere!” The Father eases him “Yes, and I always will be, my son.”

I feel somewhere close to the place I thought I was about three years ago. I thought I had it figured out. Life was there in front of me; I had the world on a string. I knew the place, the way, the woman. I had it all. Boy was I a fool. If there’s anything I’ve learned since then it’s that I will never get it all, not like that, not all at once. I feel close though, like something big is going to happen for me soon. If I can just seek Him, He’ll show the way. In my mind I see it being there and it’s so fitting and perfect; my purpose. I won’t have to lie awake here at night with my restless head full of thought. I won’t wake feeling groggy or tired wondering why I allowed myself to go on thinking for so long.

Father, I think I finally get it. You’re never going to be from my side but a path exists; I must walk it. All I have is to shake free the clinging demons and pick up that big block of wood. I’m ready. I’m ready to carry it with me. I’ll find You. It won’t be tonight and probably not tomorrow or the next month or next year but I will find You. I know You’ll be there right beside me if I should ever need help with it. You’ve always put in my head these grand thoughts of beauty and love. I see these incredible mindscapes You’ve painted. I think I’m ready if You will have me.

I can’t do without You.